#39 – Crown Yourself: Taking Control of Your Personal & Professional Path to Success | Empowerment & Career Advice

[00:00:00] Loree Philip: Hi, and welcome to the Daring to Leap podcast. I'm your host, Loree Philip. I'm so excited to dive into this week's episode with you. What if we took full ownership and power over where we want to go and who we want to be. And we made it our decision. And stopped waiting for someone else to grant us permission. This week we're diving into self-empowerment and radical ownership with Kimberly Spencer, founder of crown yourself. Join us as we get inspired through Kimberly's powerful story. Learn why you should crown yourself. Queen. The power of radical ownership and how to shift your mental programming so that you have the life and career. That you want. Let's dive in.

[00:00:46] Loree Philip: Kimberly Spencer is here. Kimberly is an award winning high performance trauma informed coach and trainer. Amazon bestselling author, TEDx speaker, and the founder of [00:01:00] crown yourself.

[00:01:01] Loree Philip: com helping visionary leaders transform their self limiting stories, build their empire, stand out fearlessly and make the income and impact they deserve. Welcome to the podcast, Kimberly.

[00:01:16] Kimberly Spencer: Loree, thank you so much for having me. It is an honor to be here. I am so excited to be here today. And I, I love the title of your podcast, like the daring to leap, cause it's all about boldness and making, take seizing those, those moments that like can, can paralyze you with fear, but choosing to be daring and making that leap anyway.

[00:01:40] Loree Philip: Right? I mean, I, I really feel like it does embody this essence of who we want to become, right? Is that once you realize what it is that you really want in your life, in your heart, in your... just your experience of this short period of time we have on this [00:02:00] planet. We also then need to have the confidence and the courage to go for it.

[00:02:06] Loree Philip: And that's kind of why I wanted to talk to you today because your, your brand embodies this empowerment feeling, especially for women. And I really, really love that. And I love to hear about. your career journey and What were you doing before you decided to launch your own? Entrepreneurial journey.

[00:02:29] Kimberly Spencer: I've I've launched my entrepreneurial journey at the age of 19 So I've been an entrepreneur for a while I I was in show business and I was a screenwriter and a, and in order to support myself, I needed to find a job and I needed a job that I could be, have flexible hours. So I started freelancing Pilates and that was my first business that I started to really understand what it meant to show up.

[00:02:55] Kimberly Spencer: What it meant to Be present, how to engage [00:03:00] customers, how to, how to interact. And I took that skill set, I modeled it in show business, ended up getting my first feature film distributed, produced. Lionsgate picked it up. It was on Netflix. It was called Bro. I co wrote it with the director.

[00:03:14] Kimberly Spencer: It was all about the high flying, hard partying world of freestyle motocross. And I was at the premiere of this like lifelong dream at 24. And I was like, why am I only 90 percent fulfilled? And so I'd been supporting myself with my Pilates business. I'd ended up turning my Pilates business into having my own brick and mortar studio.

[00:03:35] Kimberly Spencer: And so I've always been very bold and audacious with my, with my ask for my career. So I was the president of this e commerce company for two years. We got it featured in all the major magazines. I pitched it to the first round of shark tank, got it. Doctor recommended by multiple doctors. And then two years into this partnership that was a year, about a year in, I was noticing that [00:04:00] we, as, as partners were making.

[00:04:02] Kimberly Spencer: Leadership decisions very differently. I come from two entrepreneur parents. I believe in starting off small and scrappy. My business partner had different ideas. He wanted to get an office and I was like, let's maybe not spend budget on that, but just different values, alignment and how to start a business and how to grow a business and what was important in the business.

[00:04:22] Kimberly Spencer: And after a while, like it just was to the point where I was so stressed. I was like literally waking up at 3am and sweats. My hair was falling out. I was like paranoid to answer every customer email. And finally my business partner was like, I want to buy you out. I, it initially came as a shock to me cause I was like, I'm going to.

[00:04:43] Kimberly Spencer: Fight to the debt to keep this company. And then after a while, it was three months before I was supposed to get married and I just midway through, I was like, it's coming close to my wedding. I don't want this. I don't want to carry this over into my new life with my husband. And so we ended up signing the buyout agreement three weeks before I got [00:05:00] married, I wiped my hands clean of that company and made a clean break, went off on my honeymoon in Italy, and I was sitting on the couch and I was like, what?

[00:05:08] Kimberly Spencer: Am I going to do when I get back? And I had, I had no ideas. And so as, as you do on your honeymoon, I was brainstorming with my husband and I probably had way too many espressos. And I was thinking of all of the passions that I had for health and for entrepreneurship and for finding that, that soulmate partner, that relationship and having this concept of holistic success.

[00:05:33] Kimberly Spencer: And. I leaped off the couch and I said, crown yourself. And my husband was like, what's that? And I said, that's the name of my company. So the problem was, was that I went, then went about doing all the things that I told, I have told many entrepreneurs for many years, like to not do was what I call productive procrastination, where I did all the things of I got a website, I got the logo, I got like all the things I was posting some things [00:06:00] on social media.

[00:06:00] Kimberly Spencer: But I didn't have the commitment and I wasn't making that daring leap to be faced with rejection again And I wasn't making sales. So for a year and a half in my business, I made about 100 I at first thought it was like no money and then I went back and looked and I was like Oh, I actually did make 100.

[00:06:17] Kimberly Spencer: Hey, but that was That was my self confidence took a hit because in the past I had always been very audacious with my career but with after being You know, dealing with three months of multiple lawyers, lots of older men telling me that I was incompetent, uneducated all of the, all of my deep seated fears in every insecurity that I thought I'd solved in every other area of her life, life in my body and my relationships.

[00:06:49] Kimberly Spencer: I never had those insecurities when it came to my business, but suddenly I did. And so for a year and a half, I dabbled in my business. I was a wantrepreneur, not really an entrepreneur. [00:07:00] And then I found out I was pregnant. And as you know, Laurie, becoming a mom like changes your perspective on everything.

[00:07:09] Kimberly Spencer: And I had this deep knowing that the person that I had become in that year and a half was complaining. Blamey, not taking ownership, very much a victim mindset, was not really being the queen. I was really faking it. I did all the photo shoots, did all the things that made my brand look nice, but it, it was a glittery turd and I had to really own that.

[00:07:34] Kimberly Spencer: And it's not a sexy conversation of taking full radical ownership.

[00:07:39] Kimberly Spencer: The person that I was being. negative, complaining, blamey. I was like, this is not the role model that I want to set, especially since I was having a son. And so I immediately went off. I got certified in NLP, timeline therapy, hypnosis. I knew it was a mindset problem because the same mindset issues I had struggled with.

[00:07:58] Kimberly Spencer: over a decade prior in my body. I [00:08:00] recognize the same patterns. I recognize the same belief systems of not enoughness, of not deserving, of complaining, of blaming other people for my circumstances. And I knew that I could recover. I knew it was a mindset piece because I knew I could change my mindset around it because I'd recovered from a.

[00:08:16] Kimberly Spencer: 10 year battle with bulimia with no psychological or medical intervention. And I knew I just needed the tools I needed. And I also had a nine month deadline to figure it out. Cause I had to have a baby. So I got certified, changed my life within a few months. I got my first sale. I suddenly, I then got another sale.

[00:08:32] Kimberly Spencer: I then got another client and it's just grown ever since, since 2016. And it's been such a blessing so much so that we ended up growing our family. With one other child. And then I added on another business as well. So the entrepreneur gene is just deeply rooted in me.

[00:08:49] Loree Philip: It sounds like it. Oh, wow.

[00:08:51] Loree Philip: There's so much there. I think what I want to sort of point out and acknowledge is as we [00:09:00] move through our lives for you, it sounded like you went through this rollercoaster of you had all these big aspirations and ambitions, and you did it, and you did this, and you did that, and so it was later on where some of this negative sort of beliefs came in, questioning yourself.

[00:09:21] Loree Philip: So it, it's interesting to me because I think sometimes we're like, okay, that person, she's just confident, period. Or she, she does, she knows what she's doing, period. But it's, it happens where, throughout our lives. Things come up that can knock us down a bit, and the power is in being able to pick yourself back up, dust yourself off, regroup, and it sounds like that's what you were able to do, and it's such a big accomplishment, Kimberly, it's truly

[00:09:55] Kimberly Spencer: amazing.

[00:09:56] Kimberly Spencer: Yeah, the there's a great book that I'm rereading [00:10:00] called Outwitting the Devil by Napoleon Hill and in it, the, the devil, he's in a conversation with the devil about how all the ways that the devil goes about bringing people over to his side. It really was like, one of the, the key points is like the, the devil says to Napoleon Hill, he says, Oh, I use failure.

[00:10:19] Kimberly Spencer: And I never, like I had always used failure as fuel to my fire. I don't like I being at, starting out in Hollywood when I was 17 years old. Like graduated high school, dropped out of college two weeks before I was supposed to start, went out and started pursuing my career in entertainment, working for production companies, like doing small script reading jobs and, and script supervising and things like that.

[00:10:40] Kimberly Spencer: Like I knew that no is just a not right now. No is not it. Like I would like, no's were my fuel, but after putting so much heart and soul and like building a business. And there's a lot, and, and that goes to say that there's a lot for this piece of, of surrendering the [00:11:00] attachment to the thing, to what it is, to what it is that you create.

[00:11:04] Kimberly Spencer: And that's a huge part of, of this, of success that I've found is when you de identify with the things that you create in this world, whether it's a business or a product, or even your kid. Like when you. Detach, in Buddhism they say attachment is the root of all suffering. And so, but what does that really mean to detach from something?

[00:11:28] Kimberly Spencer: Well, it, it means that that identity that you have, it's not this enmeshment of codependency with whatever it is that you're creating. It's you are your independent being. It is its own independent entity. And when you look at a business from the perspective that it's not your baby, it's not your who you are, it's not your soul, it's not your identity, but your business is, or your, even your career.

[00:11:52] Kimberly Spencer: Like it's, it's still, it's not your identity. You are so much more than, than just your career. You are so much more [00:12:00] powerful than just the things that you're doing in your business. When you can detach from that and recognize that the business or your career is a vehicle to allow you to have the impact that you want to have.

[00:12:13] Kimberly Spencer: Sometimes that vehicle needs to go into the shop. Sometimes that vehicle breaks down. Sometimes you need to go out and buy a new vehicle. But it's, it's not the thing, it's not who you are, you are not the vehicle, you are just driving that.

[00:12:29] Loree Philip: Mm hmm. Yeah, that's, it's so important, it really, really is. And when I come back to this concept of crown yourself queen, and I really, I want to talk about this a little bit with you because when I heard the, the title, of your brand and your business, I really was like, you know what, this is so true.

[00:12:54] Loree Philip: Like we, when we take full empowerment of where we want to go [00:13:00] and who we want to be, it's really up to us to decide who to crown ourselves. What is it that we wanted? We're queen. It's not going to be some other person coming over to you. Kimberly, I'm so proud to announce that now you're a queen. No, it's, it's, it's you that gets to decide, which is can be looked at in a positive and negative way in a sense.

[00:13:23] Loree Philip: Cause it's okay, I get to decide it's on me to. promote myself into this elevated identity but so I, it's not gonna, I should stop waiting around for somebody else to come in and tell me that. Tell me a bit about why this resonated with you so much and, and became your brand.

[00:13:48] Kimberly Spencer: So I believe that this, this The theme of crowning yourself was years in the making before the idea ever downloaded into me.[00:14:00]

[00:14:00] Kimberly Spencer: And it really came from this moment where I was at the tail end of my bulimia recovery. I was a beauty pageant girl. I did. I was Miss Miss West Burbank in the Miss California pageant. And I had worked my butt off, like I'd been teaching Pilates, I'd been doing Pilates for the first time in my life. I felt really good in my body and it wasn't through starvation, it wasn't through any sort of abuse to my own self.

[00:14:25] Kimberly Spencer: It was because I was nourishing myself, I was taking care of myself and I really loved how I looked and I felt so confident in that pageant. And from that moment, I remember the moment it was the bikini competition and I was about to walk out on stage, it was 2010, walk out on stage in front of 4, 000 people in my swimsuit, something that I'd done in smaller arenas but, and beauty pageants actually were in a weird way like a catalyst to helping me heal because they helped me find my tribe of these ambitious, beautiful [00:15:00] women who wanted to look good, And he wanted to do good in the world and he wanted to be successful.

[00:15:06] Kimberly Spencer: Like I was like, that, that wasn't, I was like, that's what I was looking for. Cause I didn't find that very much in high school or in, in certain, in many circles. And so I walked out on stage and. In front of this crowd of 4, 000 people and everything was like dark, but you could hear the cheers and the horns and the, the, the, the, the screams.

[00:15:24] Kimberly Spencer: And there were like seven faceless judges down there. And I walk out on stage and I feel the crowd and I feel that Who I am inwardly and what I'd done to get to that moment, all the internal healing that no one else saw, but I knew that I did. And I looked at those judges and I was like, I don't care whether I won or whether I lost because I don't need your validation as to whether I'm worthy of that crown.

[00:15:57] Kimberly Spencer: I knew I crowned myself. [00:16:00] And it was that moment that sparked this. This concept of crowning yourself later on, and when you think about, and I've always been obsessed with princess stories, like Belle was my favorite princess, I grew up like running around with a book in my hand, dressed as Belle for weeks, if not months, as a child, and I, I never liked The stories of princesses who just had to lose a shoe or get kissed to kind of wake themselves up.

[00:16:27] Kimberly Spencer: I love those stories of women who had to go out. They had to slay their own dragons. They had to champion a challenge to then reclaim their kingdom. And it was from that space that I started looking at this concept of the queen. And a queen, if you think of an actual queen, like Queen Elizabeth, she was raised from the moment of her birth being expected to rule.

[00:16:52] Kimberly Spencer: And yet so often for us as, especially as women, We're not seen in that space. We're [00:17:00] not being trained and conditioned. What happens when we're kids and we tell our, our Oh, I want to be a queen or a princess. Oh, well, that'd be a great dream when you grow up, wait until you grow up. Like we are surrounded by people who put dampen, who dampen down our dreams.

[00:17:17] Kimberly Spencer: And what if. We, we trained ourselves like a queen where we are expected, it's not just like a responsibility. It's an expectation that we are going to be in a position of leadership, leading a country. Now, I'm not saying you have to leave, lead a country, but you could be leading a small team, a giant mission, a nonprofit, a career like a team of a fortune 500 company with a thousand employees.

[00:17:45] Kimberly Spencer: Yeah. If you imagine putting that level of expectation on yourself and then conditioned yourself as you are now to become that, my gosh, what a different mindset then. Oh, I'm just starting my business. [00:18:00] Yeah, so it's, it's a totally different mindset. And a queen is Surrounded by people who are training her.

[00:18:09] Kimberly Spencer: They are preparing her. They are Coaching her. They're giving her support in the angles and in diplomacy and communication and leadership Guiding her and molding her as to how she can reign But how often do we surround ourself with the community and with? People in positions, whether it's coaches or mentors or people that, that can fill the gaps and guide us to where we want to

[00:18:34] Loree Philip: go.

[00:18:35] Loree Philip: Yeah, it's, it's actually, I love this idea of queen because as you mentioned, it's expected, but it, it, it doesn't feel like this weight of a sink or swim or it's almost like. You're expected to, to rule or lead in a, you're, you're just going to it is your path and you can totally do [00:19:00] it and here is, here is the support and it's different than just oh my gosh, could you imagine I'm going to wake up and be president of the United States tomorrow and you're like, ah, I don't want that.

[00:19:13] Loree Philip: Just take it away too much. Right. It's just, it's, it's a different kind of concept and feeling. And I've talked to quite a bit on this show about support and recognizing that most successful people have a lot, a lot of support behind the scenes, whether it's mentors, coaches. staff, you name it. They don't just show up in their, where they're at today.

[00:19:41] Loree Philip: There was a whole evolution in the process to get them there. And we, a lot of the times we think we have to do it on our own and we don't. We just don't. Even if it's just having some really good, strong confidants, friends, supportive people in your [00:20:00] life is a huge start.

[00:20:01] Kimberly Spencer: Yeah, it's such a huge start to be able to, I mean, it's been said that you are almost like the five people that you surround yourself with.

[00:20:09] Kimberly Spencer: But then we expose ourselves to different stories, different belief systems, different possibilities.

[00:20:14] Kimberly Spencer: And just with that exposure, it blossoms our awareness of what's possible. And so, for example, one of my clients, I will always be grateful to her. Barbara Conver and her she is just, she showed me at a young, young age the power of a beautiful marriage and relationship, and I was like nine, I was 19 years old.

[00:20:43] Kimberly Spencer: It's been almost 20 years, and I still remember her name. I still remember the lessons she taught me. I, and that was just from being in conversation. That's why, Laurie, I love podcasts like yours because the women who are choosing to listen to your show, they are exposing [00:21:00] themselves with every interview you're doing with different potential belief systems, different potential ways of going about and doing life.

[00:21:08] Kimberly Spencer: And so we can. Retrain our brain from the survivalist mechanisms into, Oh my gosh, there's so many different ways that we can thrive. And so which way actually do we feel most aligned with thriving? Because some people have just gone down a path that they, that was filled with shoulds, of all the shoulds that they thought they should do in order to get to where they want.

[00:21:30] Kimberly Spencer: And so often when we follow that path, it's not as fulfilling. Because we get to that and we're like, Ah, why wasn't I 100 percent fulfilled? And when we can instead flip the script to taking that complete ownership and saying, well, okay, if this isn't fully what I want then what is it that I do want?

[00:21:49] Kimberly Spencer: That was what I said with my, with my screenplay. When I saw it on the, at the premiere, I said wow, this wasn't fully what I wanted. So what did I do want? And I said, [00:22:00] I want to be the producer. I want to be the director, I realize, and, and that's, that's basically what being a business owner is. You're the, I'm the producer, the director, the, the architect, which is the screenwriter of the systems and the story, and, and then I have people come into my team and, and fill in all those other holes in the production of our business.

[00:22:22] Kimberly Spencer: And that's it's not being in that industry. I actually was just working with a client from entertainment and she, long career in entertainment, long career in development, and she pivoted completely into doing something that. So fully aligned with her soul. She'd never been an entrepreneur in her life.

[00:22:41] Kimberly Spencer: And within three months or so, she had gotten her first 10, 000 contract to do something that leveraged her skill sets from entertainment, but that she was able to, to put, pour into an area of health and fitness that she absolutely loved instead of in an industry that she didn't feel appreciated in. [00:23:00] And that's the power of.

[00:23:02] Kimberly Spencer: The, the exposure of exposing yourself to different friends, different mindsets, different belief systems, whether it's on a podcast or at a conference or, or with a coach, being able to have that exposure because then that shifts the possibilities for you. Mm hmm.

[00:23:21] Loree Philip: It totally does. I want to shift a bit here, Kimberly. We've been talking a bit about core beliefs and identity throughout this. interview, but I really want to get some specifics around it because I know that this area is a really important area when you work with your clients.

[00:23:41] Loree Philip: Why do you spend so much focus with them on their identity and core beliefs?

[00:23:47] Kimberly Spencer: So if you think of it like an iceberg, right? We have what we see on the surface. And what is underneath the surface. And my favorite story that I have been obsessed with since I [00:24:00] was 10 years old was Titanic. And what sank the Titanic?

[00:24:04] Kimberly Spencer: It was not seeing the, the tip of the iceberg that was poking up above the ocean, above the surface. It was. Everything underneath, it was this giant hunk of rock and ice that was right underneath that ripped apart the unsingable shit. The same is true for our unconscious minds and our values, our belief systems, our identity are all unconscious programming that we have, whether We've consciously accepted that programming or consciously changed our values, or more often than not, it's been unconsciously programmed for us by about the age of six or seven in the imprint period.

[00:24:42] Kimberly Spencer: So we have a belief system of values that sets the tone for how we go about and experience life. And unless we're clear on what it is that we value, and And why, then, unless we're clear on that, then we bump [00:25:00] into the Oh, this feels funky. I don't know. Like, why, why am I not being appreciated in the, in this industry?

[00:25:07] Kimberly Spencer: Why am I experiencing this crappy boss? Why am I experiencing this? That's a sign that there is something deeper there. Like you said, of, of not only just what do I want, but also what is it that I value? And sometimes. It's recognizing, Oh, I'm actually not valuing myself. Maybe, maybe that was something you were taught in childhood.

[00:25:27] Kimberly Spencer: It's you're be, see children are to be seen and not heard. And so that, that deep inner child is hi, I'd to be valued. So it's looking at. The values is basically the subconscious structure of what you're building. And so not, I only not look at the values of our own identity and belief, but also what are the values that you want to imbue and create as a foundation of your business or your career and then aligning it.

[00:25:53] Kimberly Spencer: So I would say about 80 percent of my clients are. Entrepreneurs, but there's about 20 percent that are [00:26:00] career women and they still find this work incredibly valuable because, for example, one of my clients, when we really looked at her value structure, she realized that the job she was in, she was accepting far less than she was worth.

[00:26:14] Kimberly Spencer: She was being treated horribly by her boss. And she was like, this, Doesn't align with these values, but she had some core beliefs that were were around deserving that were Correlated to some trauma she had experienced in childhood. And once we cleared that up She suddenly got her dream job with a twelve thousand dollar raise in the freedom to travel and got to leave that crappy boss Who was incredibly toxic for her, but I always tell my clients that that which is Conscious will manifest happily, that which is unconscious will manifest unhappily, and so if we were to take extreme ownership of our lives, like absolute extreme ownership, and look at, okay, how is this a projection, this unconscious thing that I don't like, that I don't want, [00:27:00] how is this something that is a belief values based programming, or something that I was taught that maybe I picked up from somebody else in childhood, probably one of my caregivers And is that something I want to still continue?

[00:27:13] Kimberly Spencer: Is that serving me for where I want to go? Because when you can look at that for yourself and then that for your business, you then build what I like to think of as the castle walls for your, for your business structure and for your life structure, as far as who gets to come in and who gets to stay out.

[00:27:31] Kimberly Spencer: So if you think about the values of a business like Disneyland, like magic, play, childhood wonder. Well, if you're a.

[00:27:43] Kimberly Spencer: Sulky, grumpy person. Disneyland might be a place to be complaining about a lot of the lines. So it may not be a place you want to go all the time. But then there's those people who at Disneyland have the passes. And they go to Disneyland like Every week. And [00:28:00] they love it. They love the childhood wonder and the stories and the nostalgia and all that because that deeply correlates to values that they have versus the grumpy person who their values are different.

[00:28:13] Kimberly Spencer: Maybe their values are austerity and seriousness and being professional and like this childhood wonder is not very professional. Doesn't mean that's bad. Just means it's not an alignment of values, and that's not somebody who's going to regularly frequent the kingdom of Disneyland.

[00:28:27] Kimberly Spencer: Well, if you think about what it is for your business and your career, what are the things that you value most about your career and your business? And... And if you're, some of those you're like, ooh, I didn't know I valued that, then you, you can always shift that. You can always shift that priority and shift it to a value of something else that, that actually will produce the results that you want.

[00:28:48] Kimberly Spencer: So being able to look at that from not only the structure of who you are and the programming, because I always like to tell my clients, it's not you, it's your programming. Like just a computer, when a computer gets a glitch, we don't, we aren't [00:29:00] saying like this is a bad computer. No, it's got a, it's got a malware on it.

[00:29:04] Kimberly Spencer: It's, it's got a software glitch. We can just, we just gotta clean that up. But when, and so when we can shift that within ourselves and we can, when we can shift that in, within our businesses and our careers, that, that's when magic happens. That's, that's how you alchemize problems into opportunities in every area.

[00:29:20] Kimberly Spencer: And that's how the entire foundation of who you attract into your world and into your kingdom changes.

[00:29:26] Loree Philip: Absolutely. And I love your perspective on it, that it's, it's. It's not, there's nothing wrong with us. And, and I go back to when thinking about this type of work, what you said earlier is a lot of the programming occurred when we were really young, like six or seven around that age.

[00:29:47] Loree Philip: And so we didn't choose these beliefs. We didn't. Intentionally choose some of the lessons that we learned during that time in our life and some of the things that popped up [00:30:00] to protect us during that time in our life. And now is the time where we can kind of take a peek and, and make some changes and intentionally decide.

[00:30:15] Loree Philip: What notice what I'm valuing, what do I want what do, what, we go back to what do I value and what do I want and all these things. And this is where you start to shift. My question is, Kimberly a lot of the stuff, as you mentioned, that manifests a bit not positively is a lot of the times we're not aware of it.

[00:30:35] Loree Philip: It's in our subconscious. How do you help your clients? Start to see the stuff they can't really see that they're not aware of right now. Cause that, that part gets a little bit

[00:30:47] Kimberly Spencer: tricky. It does, yeah. It can get a little tricky cause especially when you're not aware. So it first starts with taking extreme ownership.

[00:30:56] Kimberly Spencer: And, and, even though, yes, I completely agree with [00:31:00] you Loree. What you're programming that you adopted with. In childhood or that you adopted to survive or for safety. I work with a lot of people who have had a lot of childhood trauma. I have experienced several things in, in my past that were traumatic.

[00:31:14] Kimberly Spencer: But that, that awareness that it's not your fault. It is your responsibility to heal it, because once you're aware of this program is not manifesting effectively in the results that I want, then, then you have at least the awareness, which is the building block of, I, I have the power to change it. And the only way you will change it is if you stop blaming others.

[00:31:40] Kimberly Spencer: For their part and take responsibility for where you're at for your own healing It was like when I when I realized with my bulimia I had my dad was an addict to grew up if you've ever heard of the the childhood adversity test as far as [00:32:00] If you score a four out of ten, they basically put you at high, severe risk in their language for anxiety and depression.

[00:32:07] Kimberly Spencer: I scored an eight out of ten on that, on that test. So there were a lot of things that happened in my childhood because of his addictions that were traumatic, that were, that definitely had ingrained some belief systems. And I'm not surprised that I ended up with a 10 year battle with an eating disorder because it modeled his own addiction.

[00:32:27] Kimberly Spencer: It was just my way of controlling that situation. But what happened was, was that in my healing, I had to recognize that even though the belief systems mirrored my dad, even though those experiences of his addiction and the emotional verbal sexual abuse that happened. Even those experiences, even though those created the bulimia disorder, I had to take responsibility that it was never him shoving my finger down my throat.

[00:32:56] Kimberly Spencer: That was me. And once I took responsibility for that, [00:33:00] I realized that if I took responsibility for that, then... I would be able to be fully own my healing. Otherwise he would always be a part of my story and he would get some of the credit for my healing. I was like, I don't want you to have credit. I want me to take full credit.

[00:33:16] Kimberly Spencer: That's my healing that I did. So, and he did his own healing. He ended up in the last four years of his life. He, he became sober after I staged his intervention, which was the most proof to me that you can transform at any age. It was amazing, but it starts from that place of taking. Absolute Radical Ownership for where you're at.

[00:33:33] Kimberly Spencer: And then once you take that Absolute Radical Ownership, looking at the experience and detaching yourself from it, and almost like you're watching a movie of your own life, and ask the question, what is this an example of? How is this a pattern? Start asking yourself different questions to get to the strategy of what's going on.

[00:33:53] Kimberly Spencer: Because like I said, it's not you, it's your programming, it's your strategy. So, When you're able to look at [00:34:00] what is the strategy that, that, that is happening? What is the program that I'm kind of just modeling and following through on? That changes the quality of the question because instead when we're like, oh, why is this happening to me?

[00:34:12] Kimberly Spencer: Well your subconscious mind is gonna answer the question. It's gonna be like, oh, because of this experience in childhood and remember that bully that happened in middle school and oh, yeah It's because of this, this, and this reason. Here's all the reasons as to why. That doesn't really solve the problem.

[00:34:26] Kimberly Spencer: So if you can first start with taking radical ownership and then secondly look at the question that you're asking, detach yourself from the situation literally almost like you're watching the movie of your life and say, what is this an example of? What am I not honoring within myself? What do I need to see?

[00:34:43] Kimberly Spencer: What do I need to, to have revealed to me? How do I, how could I create? The change in this situation, how could I have responded differently? What could I have done differently in this situation? How, what could I have done in order to produce the result that I wanted? And[00:35:00] it it's gonna challenge you to go through the stages of learning.

[00:35:04] Kimberly Spencer: Because there's gonna be the first stage, especially if it's deep rooted deep subconscious stuff from childhood. you're going to go through the time where you're like catching yourself after you made the mistake because you fell back into that old programming. It's ah, dang it. Okay. I, I know that I did the thing again.

[00:35:20] Kimberly Spencer: I need to like, okay, I, I, what could I have done differently? Who do I need to be? How is, how, what is this an example of manifesting in my reality? And then once you look at that and you'll go through that process a few times, you'll then start to get to that. That second stage of learning where you're in conscious competence, where you'll catch yourself as Oh, before you make the mistake, you're like, Oh, I know what to do differently.

[00:35:45] Kimberly Spencer: I know I need to think about it differently. And then you start, that is how the transformation happens. And then you get to the third stage of learning where suddenly that new behavior, that new programming becomes the default. And you're, it becomes so [00:36:00] unconscious that it's, it's just naturally, it's who you are.

[00:36:02] Loree Philip: I love that process. And I think you're, you're absolutely right. There is that fine line between. I didn't create this programming, but I can, it's empowering to know you can change it. And it's gonna take some introspection and some, the right questions and some time to heal that. Thank you for sharing that process with us.

[00:36:28] Loree Philip: We're gonna start to wrap up this interview, Kimberly, and I'm, I'd love to hear some, any last closing remarks or thoughts for our audience today, listening to this conversation.

[00:36:39] Kimberly Spencer: I just encourage you, I know that ownership, taking radical and extreme ownership and responsibility is not the sexiest conversation to have with yourself because it feels painful.

[00:36:51] Kimberly Spencer: But I guarantee that the short term pain will bring lasting, long lasting [00:37:00] feelings of comfort and joy and prosperity and love and abundance because of that space of taking radical ownership. And when you can, that is how you create the freedom that you desire, no matter what the situation is.

[00:37:16] Loree Philip: Thank you so much for your time, Kimberly.

[00:37:19] Loree Philip: Could you share with us how we can connect with you, learn more about your work?

[00:37:24] Kimberly Spencer: Yeah, absolutely. If you want to, if you like this conversation and you'd love to learn more, just head on over to crownyourself. com and click the button that says work with me, and I look forward to having a deeper conversation.

[00:37:34] Loree Philip: Great. Well, thank you so much for your time and your stories and your wisdom and we really appreciate having you on the show today.

[00:37:44] Kimberly Spencer: Thank you so much, Loree, for having me. It has been a pleasure and like I said, I am so excited for every single woman, man, person who is listening to this podcast because just by listening to your podcast, they are choosing to grow [00:38:00] and expand and Transform and bring, get more awareness.

[00:38:03] Kimberly Spencer: So thank you for what you're doing in the world.

[00:38:05] Loree Philip: Thank you, Kimberly. Bye.

[00:38:08] Loree Philip: Thank you so much for listening to this episode. If you've enjoyed it, I would love for you to subscribe. If you're already a subscriber, don't forget to share the podcast with a friend. Hope you all have an amazing week. Until next time. Bye.